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Warning!!! Still Scary In The Garden!!!

by germinatrix | November 7th, 2009

the stinkhorn raises its smelly, ugly head again!

the stinkhorn raises its smelly, ugly head again!

I know, Halloween is over, but the mycelium lurking under my garden doesn’t seem to know that – the Mother Fungus sent up another nasty example of Phallus impudicus (everybody thinks I am making this name up – would your Germinatrix do that to you? I am here to inspire and inform!). I thought something might be up – the familiar smell of woodsy decay mixed with a little corpse thrown in as a fly attractant was perfuming the air, and the next thing I know the third Stinkhorn of the year was impudently making itself completely at home in the gravel seating area.

So THAT happened.

Then …

what the? could it be a devil's eyeball?

what the? could it be a devil's eyeball?

A few days later, this puffy potato like thing appeared out of nowhere, in a different part of the gravel! Knowing there were fungusy happenings going on in my garden, I wasted no time and started researching the shrooms. After some poking around,  I came to the conclusion that it was a kind of puffball known as “The Devil’s Eyeball” – or maybe it was the influence of all the Halloween happenings that set me to thinking it would be one of the more occult sounding specimens. I thought it was identified, and THEN it turned into …

This.

I know. I'm sorry. nature can be SO nasty sometimes!

I know. I'm sorry. nature can be SO nasty sometimes!

I was appalled. I’d just HAD a stinkhorn throwing its weight around, and now ANOTHER one? With an extremely offensive attachment? Surely the mycelium was having an enormous laugh at my expense … I can imagine the Mother Fungus oozing around under my garden, sending up her “blooms” and cackling with glee, knowing that they strain credulity and decorum. But do I keep them to myself, as a more demure garden blogger with good sense would? Of course not.

But wait. Mother Fungus wasn’t finished with me yet.

The appendage introduced itself.

this is really too much.

this is really too much.

TWINS!!!

OMG … ick. Gross. Barf. And of course – REEK! Check out the slime on Shorty. And you can see that they are in close proximity to my daybed, where I enjoy coffee and toast while reading Allure magazine! How distracting to have TWIN STINKHORNS staring at you, giving you literal stink-eye, while you’re trying to read about breakthroughs in skin creams and plumping lipgloss!

The Mother Fungus has other, even more distracting tricks up her unctuous sleeve, I’m sure. If and when they pop up, I’ll break in with an Emergency Mushroom Alert. Afterall, the Mother Fungus lurks quietly under most of our gardens – Where the next onslaught could be – who knows?

YOU could be next!

prepare yourselves.

prepare yourselves.

13 Responses to “Warning!!! Still Scary In The Garden!!!”

  1. Goodness, what an education! Or is this one case where goodness had nothing to do with it?!

  2. Jean Prescott says:

    Don’t know whether to laugh or cry. It IS hard to look away, isn’t it? I honestly never have seen one of these rascals in person, but I will be alert to the possibility. Never a dull moment at Chez Germi.

  3. Hi G!

    Stinkhorns!…Now why must they insist on being so unsociable? Not content with smelling like dead rat, wrapped up in rotten bacon and seasoned with hedgehog itchings, oh no, then they have the audacity to emerge in the most inconvenient locations and times! They also rear their ugly heads (ahem) in a matter of hours it seems.

    Poor Germi, it looks like nobody will be sitting on those seats enjoying their morning coffee for a couple of days! Allure magazine? Not with these appendages lurking in the wings, how could you?…I know I have had my fair share, (thinks back to the flies all over the camera and my hands) Brrrr!
    Nasty evil abominations.

    I have a theory that only one garden each day, (usually an active garden blogger) in the entire universe gets a stinky Stinkhorn visit. It is a sick joke from the underworld to see how the individual will react to it and blog about it. From the fiery bowels of hell the laughter can be heard as another “Horn” is raised and written about!

    I feel your aromatic pain.

    ESP.

  4. I have those in my veggie beds!!! With flies crawling all over them. Blech. Fortunately, my beds are way in the back of the garden, so the smell isn’t so terrible…

  5. I got my first stinkhorn this summer- and the only reason I knew what it was is because you posted about one a while back. It was actually embarrassing- the start of my 3 year olds birthday party, and my mom and grandmother had asked me to show them around the garden. We first encountered the smell, and then I finally saw it (thanks to all the flies that were buzzing around it). “Well that’s a funny looking plant!” my grandma said. Leave it to my mom to say “Why are you growing p e n i s e s?!”. I promptly grabbed a shovel and dug it up, before it could scare any of the children.

  6. Helen – I promise – there is NO GOOD anywhere in this! Although I am pleased to be able to bring the odd … um … fungus to gardeners attention, I fervently hope that nobody has to encounter one (much less TWO!) of these in their beloved beds and borders. Because, seriously – EEEWWWW!

    Oh, Expat – I feel that I have been given the dubious gift of slimy stinkhorns in my garden because I can laugh at them, rather than run screaming in the other direction (Actually, I’m totally lying. I ran screaming the first time I saw and smelled my first stinkhorn). And you are right! One thing my garden is NOT, is dull! And it is also not clean, but I’m working on that! XO!

    You know, ESP, you know! And I KNOW you know, so I have a bit of comfort in that special kind of gardener’s solidarity that is forged in the face of something weird and disgusting. YES – these are the most embarrassing of the fungi! Insisting on looking so very much like a – like a THAT! (I’ve noticed that the stinkhorn has a power – the more phallic it becomes, the less am I able to ‘name that shape’ … I become shy and afraid. I hate this thing!)
    The Mother Fungus is certainly living in the higher reaches of Hell, ready to visit her wrath upon us all. I think you are right … which garden blogger is going to get the NEXT stinkhorn visit? We can only wait and see!

    May The Foul Horn Pass You By!!!

    Chanchow!!! Hi!! You know, I think there may be a stinkhorn plague going on in Eagle Rock, because I’ve noticed a handful while walking Dexter and Sadie! I’ll smell them first, and then the next day, there they are! What is up? Maybe we have one of those SUPER Mother Fungus (otherwise known as Mycelium) that are as big as 3 football fields!
    Thank goodness yours were far away from your favorite outdoor hang-outs! Cuz YUK!

    You are KIDDING!!! One erupted right before Alex’s Birthday Party??? Oh, that is PRICELESS!!!I can just imagine the look on your Mom’s face, because it’s so true – they look like we have planted special seeds for a penis plant! I mean – really! How RUDE can a mushroom BE? I am so impressed that you took the situation in hand, like a good Mom should, and made everything nice for your little girl’s birthday party! I, on the other hand, made sure it was protected so that everyone who came over for my pumpkin carving party could get a good gross look at it. Both ways are good.
    Be prepared – these things tend to travel in packs! XO!

  7. Oh dear. I just blushed. These mushrooms make me want to go eww. But not as bad as the slime mold (technical name) also known as dog barf fungus (not-so-technical name) that I found in my sideyard once. Mushrooms are strange, strange beings!

  8. ROFL! Well, you have to admit, they’re good for laughs if nothing else. And they spawn such great metaphors. Devil’s eyeball, dog barf fungus, hedgehog itchings… to say nothing of the lovely descriptive Latin nominclature.

  9. Holy *&#$%@! First, I was laughing… then I was regretting the fact that I paired blog-visiting with eating today… then I went, “NOOOO! EWWWWWW!” so loud my co-workers were startled. The mental image of a mother fungus lurking under a whole neighborhood is almost too much… but I’m a little squeamish like that. Glad you’re (mostly) laughing about it, Germi! I’d be throwing up :)

  10. Hmm. An emoticon mysteriously inserted itself above like an uninvited fungus… please disregard!

  11. Starlilygazing says:

    Dear Germi, you made me laugh so hard my husband had to come over to see what was up. I’ve been behind on reading your posts, but soooo glad I caught up on this one. You are so good to share with us and so patient with Mother Fungus and her nasty little growths.

  12. Girl, that is just so wrong. It looks like the Treasure Chest all up in your garden!

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