by germinatrix | November 7th, 2009
I know, Halloween is over, but the mycelium lurking under my garden doesn’t seem to know that – the Mother Fungus sent up another nasty example of Phallus impudicus (everybody thinks I am making this name up – would your Germinatrix do that to you? I am here to inspire and inform!). I thought something might be up – the familiar smell of woodsy decay mixed with a little corpse thrown in as a fly attractant was perfuming the air, and the next thing I know the third Stinkhorn of the year was impudently making itself completely at home in the gravel seating area.
So THAT happened.
A few days later, this puffy potato like thing appeared out of nowhere, in a different part of the gravel! Knowing there were fungusy happenings going on in my garden, I wasted no time and started researching the shrooms. After some poking around, I came to the conclusion that it was a kind of puffball known as “The Devil’s Eyeball” – or maybe it was the influence of all the Halloween happenings that set me to thinking it would be one of the more occult sounding specimens. I thought it was identified, and THEN it turned into …
I was appalled. I’d just HAD a stinkhorn throwing its weight around, and now ANOTHER one? With an extremely offensive attachment? Surely the mycelium was having an enormous laugh at my expense … I can imagine the Mother Fungus oozing around under my garden, sending up her “blooms” and cackling with glee, knowing that they strain credulity and decorum. But do I keep them to myself, as a more demure garden blogger with good sense would? Of course not.
But wait. Mother Fungus wasn’t finished with me yet.
The appendage introduced itself.
OMG … ick. Gross. Barf. And of course – REEK! Check out the slime on Shorty. And you can see that they are in close proximity to my daybed, where I enjoy coffee and toast while reading Allure magazine! How distracting to have TWIN STINKHORNS staring at you, giving you literal stink-eye, while you’re trying to read about breakthroughs in skin creams and plumping lipgloss!
The Mother Fungus has other, even more distracting tricks up her unctuous sleeve, I’m sure. If and when they pop up, I’ll break in with an Emergency Mushroom Alert. Afterall, the Mother Fungus lurks quietly under most of our gardens – Where the next onslaught could be – who knows?
YOU could be next!