viagra no perscription usa

Return of the Impudent Phallus

by germinatrix | May 8th, 2009

Or “Where Did It GO???”

the putrid stench of the nasty fungusthe putrid stench of the nasty fungus

It happens every year. I smell it, and I know it is lurking somewhere in the gravel – the horrid Ipudent Stinkhorn , or Phallus Impudicus. It is a fairly common mushroom, but that doesn’t make my flesh crawl any less when I see it, or when my nose catches that familiar whiff of rotten meat mixed with soggy dirt.

Yes, I know – The Germinatrix has a reputation for honing in on the … um… upright, the vertical, the somewhat tumescent. It’s just that I recognize the latent sexiness in everything garden related!

But this horror is definitely NOT sexy. It’s gross. Stinky. And, when fully erect, disturbingly life-like. Like some demon member popping out of the earth, ready to get some.

But this one was just emerging – and was reeking … flies were starting to swarm – so I ran inside and decided to take another picture in an hour, when it would be fully formed. But when I went back out with my camera in hand – nothing.

And then I saw Sadie licking her chops. EEEEEEEEEWWWwwwww!

burpburp

By the way, I am going back to the Yucatan on Sunday – I’ll try to post, but there is alot of work to be done, so bear with me, my friends!

Oh and another, very important thing. Today I was supposed to visit my favorite place in the world; a garden that has inspired me more than any one place – Lotusland in Montecito, right outside of Santa Barbara, CA. Many of you may have heard about the awful fires in the area – Lotusland was actually evacuated early this morning, and the fire is very very close to this incredible treasure. Please think good thoughts of protection and imagine calm winds. Many people have been devastated – they’ve lost their homes and property … My best thoughts are with them. But let us not forget that a work of art like Lotusland can never be replaced – it deserves our prayers as well.

the amazing aloe garden at Lotuslandthe amazing aloe garden at Lotusland

10 Responses to “Return of the Impudent Phallus”

  1. I m praying for Lotusland and all of Santa Barbara, I was hoping that it wasn’t anywhere near. Southern Cali looks like paradise until something like this.

  2. germinatrix says:

    I was thinking about you this morning, Loree – I bet you could feel it. I was mortified about the shift in the fire – I’d spoken to the volunteers yesterday afternoon and they were feeling very secure, everything was moving forward as per usual. Then I got a call at 6:30 am – the voice on the other end was full of emotion. I can’t imagine having your home threatened, and the place you volunteer and cherish also in danger.
    I know your prayers are appreciated. And you are so right – there is a big price we pay for living here. Earthquake, Fire, Mudslide, Riot – the Four Seasons of SoCal.
    XOXO

  3. We’ve got earthquakes and fires in NoCal, as well as floods; there are floods and tornadoes and a friend had her roof and one wall blown off by a hurricane in Louisiana. I guess every place has its hazards, but fire is a terrible and devastating one. I’m sending my prayers for homeowners, wildlife, and Lotusland.

    I hope Sadie’s meal went down all right. Dogs do love nasty smells.

  4. It’s so true, Pomona – we ALL have our climate catastrophes… it just feels like we down here are ALWAYS dealing with something. But then, I remember the NoCal fires, and then there are the earthquakes… it’s a trial ANYWHERE you are.

    Sadie didn’t suffer any adverse effects – but I didn’t let her lick me for two days!

    Thank you for your good thoughts – Lotusland is such a jewel!

  5. I hadn’t heard of Lotusland before. How amazing. It has now been added to my list of places to visit. Oh, to have that much space to plant!

  6. Oh, CoCo – you will D-I-E- DIE! Lotusland is a mecca for all of us who are mesmerized by over the top, dramatic spaces. It is a sacred place – you can feel the magic.

    Please do yourself the favor and go see it.

    And I am currently tangling with having an abundance of space to plant – in the Yucatan. How do I feel right now? Panicked!

  7. Hi Ivette.
    And yet another erect stinkhorn? It makes me wonder what are you doing in your garden to encourage them to pop up all around you? Stocking gardening? French maid compost turning? High Heeled weeding…the mind boggles!

    It is a stinky something a dog would love to either eat or roll around on top off…(shudders and feels a small spasm starting on the big toe of the right foot!)
    “Like some Demon member popping out of the earth, ready to get some”. You have got to stop!

    My fingers are crossed for Lotusland, and I am looking forward to your personal post of this amazing place. Good luck in the Yuc! I know you will knock that landscape design out of the park / beach.

    I look forward to your reaction to my “fungi nipples”! :-)
    Now that is something you don’t say everyday!
    Too funny!
    ESP.

  8. Oh, ESP!
    What IS it with the gardens these days? Sex sex SEX! I have to warn my friends who come over with their small kids!
    But you win … not only do those mushrooms look like ‘The Real Thing’, you actually caught two bright green beauties in The ACT!

    Bravo, my friend – well done!

    Your comment made me laugh out loud at the end of a very difficult day… thanks so much for that! I didn’t think it was possible. I haven’t thought of the French Maid compost turning, but as for all of the, um – activity … well, I’m not The Germinatrix for nothing!
    XO!

  9. Sadie’s looking good there. What a sweet face.

  10. Ivette, I am so enjoying your blog! I ran into you over at Annie’s (on facebook) recently and now I’m learning so much from you, The Germinatrix! I was lucky enough to “discover” Lotusland a few years ago and I LOVED it! They had just transplanted a new cactus garden area. All those cacti, succulents, aloes, and clam shells too! Wow! Heavenly. I want to go back for another long look-see soon. It’s such an incredible place.